“Stay faithful to you, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow.” What is that from? Any countless number of weddings. Two blissfully ignorant fools looking at each other and making promises on the future, only to begin a life together that will test all those promises. Relationships are work. They are hard. They take effort. I’m reading the book Redeeming Your Time by Jordan Raynor (highly recommend, a MUST read) and in it he quotes someone who says that paying attention is just that, costly. It is something we pay to do. It will cost us as we have to say no to distractions in our life so we can say yes to what is important in life. Paying attention to my wife means I have to say no to my phone and the TV. That is not a struggle I thought about when I made those vows.
What makes a good relationship good? Towards the beginning of any ‘chosen’ relationship, there is a question of “is it mutual?” This is mostly said in romantic relationships but it is a concept we think in friendship as well. In friendships we say, “is it one sided?” Both have the same thought process, “am I the only one trying to make this happen?” Are we in this together? Are we both putting in effort? Do we both feel the same way? To answer these questions, we look at what the person is doing, don’t we? We look beyond just what they are not doing.
I promised my wife I’d never have an affair on our wedding day. So the key to a healthy marriage is simply, don’t have an affair. Is that enough? Ok, we live in a world where abuse is sadly common. So, don’t do that, it is bad and unloving. Duh. So if my marriage is struggling and we talk to a cousnelor for help, I can say, “listen, I’ve never abused you or cheated, of course I love you.” Right, that should work? Why not? Because my wife wants random texts messages. She wants a date night. She wants me to pay attention. She wants my help with the kids and the house. It’s more than just keep a list of things “not to do.”
Similarly, this is true with my kids. What does a healthy relationship look like with them? Abuse is common there as well. So, never abuse them. Ok, check, moving on. Isn’t it more than that? Ya, we get that. It’s making time. It’s caring about their interests. It’s showing up to the thing. It’s being present. Books, blog posts are written about that, so I won’t take much time on that here. I think something magical happens in the relationship with your kids when that becomes mutual. When you can find that thing of mutual interest.
Yesterday my son was home “sick.” He wasn’t sick. He had a fever on Monday at 9AM and was sent home from school. They have a 24 hour rule. So, Tuesday he is fine but can’t go back to school because of said rule. Fun. A perfectly healthy kid sitting home. Anyway, we tried getting him to fill his mind with “educational” things. He started with a documentary on Nolan Ryan. Did you know he hit a homerun? I didn’t. Learned that. Anyway then I said, “why don’t you check out this YouTuber ‘backpacking tv?’” Landon and I are doing an year of discipleship together (something by coined by Mark Batterson) and hiking is a part of it. This dude posts informational videos about hiking in a way I felt Landon could connect with. He did! He watched many of the videos and learned a ton. Later in the night we sat together making a list of items he felt he needed for our 4 day hike. I even caught him looking through my hiking gear, examining the equipment. I love baseball and hiking. Yesterday, my relationship with my son felt connected and strong. Why? Mutual interests that we both acted upon together.
There is a word I have been super careful not to use up until this point. A word I think needs to mutually be in place for a vibrant relationship. It’s a word we want to make sure is there at the beginning and a word we want in place throughout; pursuit. Do you still pursue each other? I don’t have to pursue my wife, I get to pursue her. I don’t have to pursue my kids, I get to. I don’t have to pursue my friends, I get to. Relationships are more than just being ‘technically good’ (ie not being bad), they are about pursuing the other person beyond yourself. Relationships flourish when there is a mutual pursuit, mutual effort, and two people are focused on more than “just not being bad.” Relationships thrive when we go from thinking “how not to screw it up” to pursuing the other person. If it’s one sided, you’re a stalker, if its mutual, you’re thriving.
To that end, you know who you are unable to stalk? Jesus. Know why? He’s already pursuing you. Jesus was technically sound in heaven. He did all the right things and none of the wrong things. But how did Christ show, prove or demonstrate His love for us? That while we were not pursuing Him and in our sin, He came to earth and died for broken us. What does a healthy relationship look like? That we would pursue Him back.
You are saved by faith alone in Christ alone. Our relationship due to our sin is broken with God. He lived perfectly to die in our place as only He could. We place faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ, accepting life forever with Him made possible by the resurrection. Now, how will we pursue? Now what will our relationship look like?
We will be judged not by a list of do’s and don’ts. Was I technically sound? Did I never cheat or abuse? I will be judged also but what I “should of, would of and could of” done.
Think about the rich ruler in Luke 18. Comes to Jesus asking what must he do to be saved. Jesus lists a few things like don’t lie, cheat, commit adultery and what not. Things of that nature. The dude is like, check, check, check, I am good! Till Jesus is like, but wait, forgo treasure in this life, trade it for treasure in the next life. Come follow Me! Those two words, FOLLOW ME, are said to him. Jesus invited him to be a disciple. Man what you and I wouldn’t give up to be a follower of Jesus and walk with Him. Well, this guy said that was an investment that had a price tag and the price was too much. Selling what I have and giving to the poor? Nope! And he walked away sad. How did that man prove to be unrighteous? He proved it by what he was unwilling to do. He didn’t do anything against Jesus he was just simply unwilling to do something for Jesus.
Think about what Jesus says in Matthew 25;
Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ ~Matthew 25:34-40
Jesus, when talking about entering into heaven does not look at a group of people and say, “You never cheated, you never lied, you never murdered, you never etc…” He looks at them and sees righteousness by what they did to Him and for Him. When there was a “should of, could and would of” THEY DID. This is the type of person that doesn’t walk by a man down and out on the side of the road. This is the type of person that walks out of church and buys a meal for a homeless man OR better yet invites the homeless man from church to lunch.
The point is, you can spend your day doing ‘technically sound’ things, doing nothing for the kingdom and find Christ’s displeasure. Wake up, work out, eat, head to a decent job, come home, play on your phone, wrestle with kids a little bit, watch some decent TV, head to bed and do it again the next day. Nothing there is bad. Sure there were some thoughts and a few white lies, if you will, but nothing crazy bad. Day after day, you live a decent life. You even go to church on Sunday’s. And in that scenerio, is it possible Jesus feels unloved? Not pursued? 100% yes. We pursue Him by pursuing what He wants. He wants the least of these LOVED. Go pursue the least of these in a pursuit of God.
Four quick suggestions to focus us as we close this out;
Who are the least of these in my area? You have to define your target. What are you looking for? Where do your eyes need opened up. I don’t live in an area with any homeless. Ok, what about the people behind the scenes at your favoite restaurant or country club? The man who picks up your garbage? The person that stands alone after school waiting for the bus? Start thinking, looking and searching for the least of these. God will open your eyes.
Pray for One! This is a phrase coined by Bo Chancey in his book sharing the title. This is bringing what we’ve been talking about to prayer. This suggestion and the next one have prayer in common. Here we are praying for chances to share God’s love and show God’s love to people far from God. It’s a prayer God loves to say YES to!
Pray for opportunity! This is more all encompassing. Pray that God would show you someone, believer or unbeliever, that has fallen on hard times that He might want you to pursue. Will you pursue them? Will you allow yourself to see them. Will you drop off ice cream to those with a sore throat? Will you sit with the lonely kid? Will you give the struggling mom $75 to get an oil change? Pray and God will show you needs you can meet.
Take control of your calendar and day! Like I said earlier, your day can be filled with things that are not technically bad. Is sitting on social media sinful? In and of itself no. Is sitting on social media sinful when we neglect good? Yes. Francis Chan said “Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” What is on your calendar? Things that in the end don’t matter? That should fear you. If you never did anything to build the kingdom of God, but have 300 million followers, you won’t die a winner in God’s eyes. We must take control of our calendars and day, eliminating noise and pursuing good.
So what are you waiting for? Go love the least of these. It is how we pursue a healthy relationship with God. It’s how we make this relationship with Jesus mutual!
Go make much of the name of Jesus. Soli Deo Gloria.
Pastor Jason Coache
