My best friend died last month. She was only 33 years old.
I should back up a bit. She was my best friend in elementary school, but 12 year old me took the second “F” in BFF very seriously. We met in kindergarten because we were on the same bus and had matching white “fur” coats which is a solid basis for friendship when you’re five. She lost her first tooth while at school and got one of those cool little treasure boxes. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over that jealousy. She was shy and quiet but had the best laugh and, well, I talked enough for five people so we balanced out. As you can see, this was my person, and she stayed that way for a decade.
Then we grew up and drifted apart. There was no break-up point, just a gradual progression away as we both grew into the adults we would one day be. We still “talked” occasionally and attended big events, but fell more into the acquaintance category. Until at 33 years old, I am hugging her sweet parents and trying to find the words to offer even the slightest bit of comfort. What do you do when someone loses their child too soon? My heart was breaking, but their world was falling apart.
"What do you do when someone loses their child too soon? My heart was breaking, but their world was falling apart."
Before the funeral, the family asked if I had any old pictures. I got them all together, grabbed a blank card and a book off the table to write on. Then I sat on the couch and realized I had no idea what to write to her family. So I prayed. You know, one of those super fancy ones that went something like, “God, My heart is broken. Please help me put something on this card that may provide a slight comfort to this grieving family. Because I've got nothing.” It was about that time I looked at the book and realized what I grabbed, a devotional called Thy Will. It had just come in the mail, queued for future study, but I just tossed it on the table without thinking. I flipped it open randomly and the title was Jesus Mourns with You. The story? The death of Lazarus in John 11.
If you do not know the story, Lazarus was a friend of Jesus and brother to Martha and Mary. Lazarus became very ill and eventually died. Four days later, Jesus comes into town to find both sisters deep in mourning for their brother. Jesus sees them with compassion and weeps. The shortest verse in the bible (aka the easiest memory verse) is right there in verse 35. “Jesus wept.” The word in the Greek means a calm shedding of tears or quiet anguish (I do not speak Greek, but I do know how to Google things). Can you picture this slow walk with these two sisters to the grave of their brother and Jesus silently weeping? It wasn’t for show, but instead was genuine compassion. Jesus mourned with Lazarus’ sisters that day, just like He still mourns with us today.
"Can you picture this slow walk with these two sisters to the grave of their brother and Jesus silently weeping?"
Make sure you catch this. Jesus mourns with you. Maybe you lost a loved one too soon. Jesus mourns with you. Maybe you lost a job. Jesus mourns with you. Maybe you lost a marriage. Jesus mourns with you. Maybe you lost a friendship, a innocence, your stability, a dream of a life you thought you would have. Jesus mourns with you.
Our God is not an absent God. He fully understands the depths of our heartache. He doesn’t tell Martha and Mary to suck it up, move on or worse provide some generic “Christianese” answer to why their world just crashed down. He simply mourned with them. If you’re going through a deep hurt today, Jesus isn’t condemning or belittling of your anguish. He is instead right beside you with a breaking heart. He feels the depths of your sorrow and is simply present with open arms. I don’t know about you, but I find that thought deeply comforting in the midst of hard times.
"If you’re going through a deep hurt today, Jesus isn’t condemning or belittling of your anguish. He is instead right beside you with a breaking heart."
Back to John 11, now there is a major plot twist. Jesus goes to the tomb and asks them to remove the stone. (One of my favorite comments in the Bible is Martha warning Jesus it’ll be stinky, but I also hang out with kids every Sunday) They remove the stone and Jesus yells, “Lazarus, come out!” And out walks Lazarus, still wearing his grave clothes. Right in that moment, their deepest sorrow is replaced by overwhelming joy. As only Jesus can, beauty rose from the ashes that day.
The day after writing this card to my friend’s family, one of my devotions ‘coincidentally’ was also on John 11. In it, it says: “We may be facing a delay, distraction or even devastation for a season. But it is not a final destination. Resurrection is coming. For some of us, it will be like Lazarus and happen miraculously this day. But for all those who trust in Jesus as Savior, whether our circumstances change or not, there is an eternal hope because His resurrection power has the final say. In eternity, Jesus wins.” (Lysa Terkeurst)
That day I wrote the card, I did something I NEVER do. I ripped a page out of a book. I honestly sat there for a solid 2 minutes (or half of the Baby Shark video that was occupying my children) debating if I should do it, but eventually did. I folded it nicely and placed it in the card. I honestly don’t know what happened to that page, but that day it provided me with a powerful reminder. Even in our deepest hurt and darkest hour, when we feel abandoned, Jesus is walking besides us, present in our heartache.
Written by Jillian Goodhew,
Well Kids Lead at Wellspring Church
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